


Discere Et Docere

by Abyssinia



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-24
Updated: 2007-05-24
Packaged: 2017-10-09 00:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abyssinia/pseuds/Abyssinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Daniel may be scholars, but they still have a lot to learn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discere Et Docere

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Annerbhp for the sd_ficathon (Sam and Daniel ficathon) 2007 to answer the prompts: "Season 8, off world, working out the new dynamic under Sam's command" and "Early season Sam and Daniel bonding after COTG. Maybe detailing one of the first things they did together while not on a mission? Or either's thoughts on the other early on."   
> Huge thanks to rydra_wong for prodding and brainstorming help as well as betawork and to likethesun2 for some last minute betaing.

**The first year she taught him how to handle any gun he might hold, and how to fight without one.**

 

"Right here, Dr. Jackson." The airman stopped in front of a metal door and dug into his pocket for a key-card, opening the door to a concrete room. "Do you need anything else?"

Daniel stepped inside, turning around to take in the empty shelves and oppressive walls. "Uh, no, not now, I think. Thanks." His voice reverberated off the walls. Maybe if he hung enough artifacts up, lined the shelves with enough books, this place wouldn't feel like a tomb. He ran a finger along a shelf, remarkably clear of dust, as the forgotten airman walked away. This office, _his office_, he reminded himself, would need some work, but there was nothing he could do right now.

He wasn't sure he'd found the right hallway until he heard the muffled swearing in a decidedly female voice. Popping his head into a doorway he found Dr. Carter, trying to set equipment up on a shelf that looked ready to tip over. "Need a hand?" he asked.

"No, I got it!" she snapped as he reached out to grab a book before it landed on her head. "Oh, thanks. Sorry – I didn't know it was you. Actually, would you mind getting that?" she asked, pointing towards the shelf.

"Now you want my help?" He smiled, reaching over her head to grab the scientific gadget.

"One of the first things I learned: asking for help at a new post is the easiest way to ensure they'll never forget I'm a woman," she told him matter-of-factly, crouching down to plug something into the wall.

"Oh." He hadn't thought about that. "Speaking of help, uh, Jack strongly suggested I should get some proper instruction on firearms and, he's pretty busy. Would you have time? I don't want to give them a reason to not let me go through the 'gate and find Sha're."

"Sure, just let me finish this." She connected a few more cables, then stood up grinning as lights blinked and a mechanical hum filled the room.

That evening Daniel felt the breath rush out of him as Carter neatly landed him on his back. The shooting lesson had turned into him helping unpack her house, had turned into dinner, had turned into an impromptu, unarmed combat lesson in her backyard.

The prickly grass – still foreign-feeling after so much sand – bit through his t-shirt and he sucked air back into his lungs and grabbed her outstretched hand. Their skin still smelled of gunpowder and the oil the military uses for lubricant. She'd seemed impressed by how quickly he'd learned to shoot mostly straight – so had he, at first, but it was easy when he imagined Apophis's face in the middle of the target. He wasn't surprised by how deftly he could disassemble and re-assemble the guns. His fingers had always been nimble and he'd had plenty of experience putting together broken artifacts.

Daniel started to let her help him up, then grinned and fell back down, pulling hard while reaching up with his free hand to push her shoulder and land her on the ground beside him, rolling on top and pinning her arms.

"What was that?" she asked, eyes big.

"You said to always look for the other person to let their guard down." He released her arms and sat back on his heels, still straddling her hips. The position felt overly familiar with a woman he'd only just met, but he tried to stem the embarrassment since she didn't seem to even notice.

"But I didn't mean me!" she protested, scowling. He shrugged, lifting his hands in surrender. It was all the invitation she needed to strike and before he could react his face was planted in the grass with both arms twisted behind his back. "But I also warned about letting your guard down," she said near his ear before releasing him and standing, letting him rise on his own this time. "I think that was enough for one night. You'll definitely need more work here than in the shooting range."

Daniel followed her into the house and took the beer bottle she offered him – glass colder than anything he'd touched in the last year – before joining her on the living room floor, surrounded by half unpacked boxes. "How do you do it?" he asked, taking a sip of the beer and grimacing a bit. He learned to like cold beer just fine after a hot day at a dig, but elsewhere it was barely palatable.

"Do what?"

"Balance being a soldier and a scientist?" he amended, swinging the bottle with two fingers. "On Abydos, most of Jack's soldiers were very fond of harassing the egghead, but they don't treat you like that."

She actually managed to spit beer at his last comment. "You really think that? Anyway, once they get over me being a woman, it's easy for them to get over the scientist thing. It's just part of who I am – I can fight, I can shoot, and I can do physics."

"But you can't find the time to move into your new house," he teased, sweeping an arm to encompass all the boxes. "Want to see if we can finish a room tonight?"

She pulled the closest box towards her, unpacking photos and knickknacks while Daniel moved back to the books he was working on – those he could sort without guidance. "When're you getting your own place?" she asked.

"Hopefully soon. Not that I mind Jack's hospitality, but I don't want to push it. There's still some problems getting my government records changed so that I'm no longer dead, which makes getting a lease hard."

"You're just going to rent a place?"

"I don't expect to be here long – as soon as I find Sha're we'll go back to Abydos."

"Oh." He thought there was something weird in her voice, but when he turned to see her bent over, cutting open more boxes, she seemed fine. Maybe he was misreading – part of learning Abydonian hadn't been just learning the words and grammar, but also the inflection and body language. He was still readjusting back into American modes of nonverbal communication.

By the time the living room was completely clear of cardboard, it was late enough that she convinced him to crash on her newly uncovered couch rather than make his way back to Jack's. He waited until she closed the door to her bedroom before grabbing the blankets and curling up on the floor. After Abydos, he wasn't used to sleeping on something as soft as a couch or mattress, and it didn't feel right being comfortable while his wife was out there somewhere, going through things he didn't want to imagine.

After the day's training, his sore muscles and bruises complained about the hardness but he welcomed the tiredness. Maybe he could sleep too deep for nightmares. He rolled onto his side, as though spooning up against another body, reached an arm into the empty space next to him, and slept until dawn.

 

**The second year he taught her Goa'uld.**

 

"Okay, a squiggly line, then a triangle, something that looks like a bird," Sam called.

"Does the triangle point up or down?" Daniel's voice came through the radio, sounding strained.

"Uh, down."

"Okay, twist the blue one counterclockwise."

"Can't you just rip all the crystals out?" Colonel O'Neill groused behind her. Sam resisted the urge to throttle him – it would mean removing her arms from where they were elbow-deep in Goa'uld circuitry, not to mention a later court martial. At least he'd stopped asking if he could blow up the door.

"No. Teal'c thinks that'll just make the trap snap shut," she reminded the colonel through gritted teeth.

"Uh, Sam, not to rush you, but how's it coming?" Daniel's voice came from near her right ear.

"We've got three more lines. What's your situation?"

"A small child could no longer stand in this room," Teal'c pointed out.

"Carter!" Colonel O'Neill called again. She bit back her reply, knowing he was worried and hated feeling helpless when his team was in trouble.

"Okay, Daniel, circle, another snake – this time vertical – and three pyramids."

When the door finally opened, Teal'c and Daniel were flat on their backs, the ceiling mere inches above their noses. Teal'c's arms and legs were straining upwards as though he could hold up the weight and Daniel's eyes were screwed shut. Sam yanked Daniel out by his tac vest while Colonel O'Neill dragged Teal'c.

"Next time we encounter one of these booby-traps, at least one person who knows Goa'uld needs to not be stuck in it," Colonel O'Neill complained, but Sam could hear the relief in his voice.

Walking back to the 'gate Sam let Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c get ahead, pulling Daniel back to join her. "Okay, I'm sick of this. Teach me Goa'uld," she said.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, brushing away the hair blowing in his eyes.

"Not everything – but enough to make a repeat of today less difficult. And last week I was in position to overhear a Jaffa patrol, but couldn't understand what they were saying. I can't just ignore that potential intel. And…" Sam trailed off.

"And what?"

"Some of the memories Jolinar left me are in Goa'uld," she said quietly.

"Oh." His eyes softened and he reached a hand to briefly squeeze her shoulder. "Okay. Goa'uld is similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics, so it's not like the English alphabet, but I think you'll get the basics down quickly."

Three weeks later they were exploring an abandoned outpost when Daniel called her over, pointing to a section of wall. "Can you read it?"

Sam squinted at the writing, sounding the words out under her breath. "It's…like a directory. And we should check out…this hallway," she said, running her finger over a line of text.

Daniel nodded, grinning big as he stepped aside to let her lead down the hallway. It had been a long time since she felt this flush of academic accomplishment.

That night she dreamed about Jolinar again. Harsh, guttural words echoed amid the flashing eyes and twisting tunnels, but this time a few of them were starting to make sense. She woke up convinced she was one step closer to finding a way to contact the Tok'ra.

 

**The third year she taught him that, this time, he had people who would stay by him when his world tried to fall apart. **

 

Daniel turned the page, read a sentence, and realized he hadn't paid attention to anything written on the previous ten pages. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair and looked around his apartment. General Hammond had given SG-1 a week of downtime after they got back from the funeral on Abydos and Jack had made it clear he didn't expect to see Daniel in the Mountain at all during that time. Sometimes he didn't think Jack understood him at all.

He'd gone home, bounced off the walls, done laundry, rearranged furniture, sorted his books differently, rearranged his furniture again, and completely failed at concentrating on anything. At least nobody was coming by to tell him he'd tried his best, that there was nothing he could have done, that it wasn't his fault.

The tentative knock on the door was both a relief and an intrusion, but he answered it for lack of anything better to do. On the other side, Sam shifted her weight from foot to foot, biting her lip for a second before holding up something covered in aluminum foil. "I brought a casserole," she said, shrugging.

Daniel only looked at her. He couldn't remember eating since they got back. He thought he must have, because he wasn't exactly hungry.

"Look," Sam said, a more determined look in her eyes. "Jack practically ordered us not to bother you. And I was going to. But…Daniel, I saw your parents die and…I think you've been alone enough. So if you want me to just leave this casserole behind and go, I will, but I want you to know that you don't have to be alone."

A minute ago Daniel had been mentally trying to shove her out the door, but suddenly he wanted her to stay more than anything. "Thanks," he said, stepping aside so Sam could come in.

She looked around, not commenting on the new furniture setup and turned back to him. "So…it seems stupid to ask how you're doing."

He shrugged and walked past her to perch on the edge of he couch. Sam busied herself in the kitchen, setting the casserole in the oven before joining him. After several minutes he broke the quiet. "Kasuf asked me to stay." When she didn't respond, he continued. "Part of me wanted to but…Abydos isn't my life anymore, and it won't help me find Skaara or Sha're's child."

Sam reached down and squeezed his fingers, leaving her hand resting lightly over his. "You were starting to tell me about her in the infirmary, but you haven't talked about her since," Sam said quietly. "It might help."

Daniel shook his head and pulled his hand away to put his glasses on the table. Sometimes he couldn't talk to Sam about Sha're. He always said Sha're was the most beautiful, bravest, strongest woman he'd ever known but it felt wrong to tell that to Sam, who was also all of those things. He had over twenty languages at his disposal, but none of the words were ever right.

Apparently Sam wanted to push. "My uncle told me something when my mom died. It's a little cheesy, but it helped." She fidgeted a moment, but seemed to take his silence as interest. "He said that as long as I remembered her, I kept a piece of her alive."

Daniel had wondered about Sam's mother, but she'd said nothing and Daniel was familiar enough with keeping the past locked up that he didn't ask. "The worst part is that I don't feel as bad as I should," he told her quietly. "Most of me doesn't feel any different than I did last week." What Sha're did gave him a chance to say good-bye, a chance to prepare for what was to come, but now he didn't know what to do with himself.

Daniel picked at the seams of his jeans while Sam shifted position again, pulling her knees up under her chin. "She's been gone for two and a half years. You've had a long time to grieve."

This was exactly what he didn't want – this absolution from guilt and he stood quickly, keeping his back to Sam as he entered the kitchen. "Want a salad with the casserole?" he called, opening the refrigerator door. Earlier he'd decided that if Jack was forcing him to stay here, he'd at least take advantage of the chance to safely buy perishable food.

Sam stepped behind him, rubbing his back before reaching to grab the package of carrots and digging for his peeler. They worked in silence, punctuated by half-questions of "Can you hand me?" or "Do you have?"

When they sat down to eat, Daniel looked at her across the table. "Thanks."

"I didn't do anything," Sam said, playing with her water glass. Daniel shrugged and picked up his own fork – it was what she hadn't said that meant the most.

 

**The fourth year he taught her how to question orders. **

 

Sam wanted to wave her hand in the space between Daniel and the colonel, wondering if the tension was strong enough to actually feel. Maybe she could wrap her fist around it and tug hard enough to make it snap, to make them remember they were supposed to be on the same side.

She stepped closer to Teal'c when the colonel's expression grew even darker. "Fine, Daniel, one more hour," he spat. "Carter! Go with him. One hour, not one minute more."

Daniel took off without a backwards glance and Sam exchanged a quick nod with Colonel O'Neill before hurrying after him. She waited until they were out of sight and ear shot before she grabbed Daniel's shoulders and turned him to look at her. "What was that?"

Daniel irritably shoved away her hands and leaned back against the wall, pressing his head into the engraved writing he couldn't read. "I don't know what we're doing anymore, Sam."

"What do you mean? The same thing we've always done."

Daniel shook his head. "Not anymore." He turned, heading further down the twisting hallway.

"Daniel," she called, catching up to him. "You and the colonel – you never used to fight like this. Before…"

"Before what, Sam?" Daniel asked, still striding forward. "Before he abused our trust? Before he ordered me to shut up? Before blowing up the Gadmeer ship was a better solution than giving me a chance ?"

Sam felt a familiar shudder run up her spine. Daniel had forgiven her, insisting it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't forget how close she'd come to killing him that day. "He was doing what he had to, Daniel. You know that. It worked out in the end."

"Only because I refused to step down when Jack was shutting me out," Daniel sighed and stopped to look at Sam. "I can't just follow his orders without question. Someone needs to challenge him, and you and Teal'c won't do it."

"He's my commanding officer."

"So? That doesn't make him always right." Daniel turned down a corridor to their right.

Sam followed after him. "I still can't disobey an order."

"Questioning isn't disobeying." Daniel sighed. "I'm tired of being the only one to look for solutions that don't involve blowing something up."

Jack knew what he was doing when he ordered Sam to turn the generator into an explosive. He knew she couldn't do it until he'd ordered her, knew it would protect her from the consequences. There was a time, before she met Daniel, the absolution of responsibility might have worked.

"It's not that easy," she told him, shaking her head. "I can't change who I am."

"I'm not asking you to, but neither can I." She didn't like the disappointed look that flashed through his eyes. "I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. I couldn't save Sha're. Shifu doesn't need me. I'm not a soldier, and I'm not going to become one."

"Don't you see, Daniel?" She reached a hand out to stop him, make him look at her. "That's exactly why we need you. We need the way you think and we need the way you challenge us."

He only shook his head and continued walking. Sam resignedly watched his retreating back, wondering how someone who had taught her so much could sometimes be so blind.

 

**The fifth year she taught him that there were still some people he could save, even if he couldn't save the entire universe. **

 

Daniel swore under his breath in frustration. Reece had broken his left wrist, but even though it was his non-dominant hand the lack of mobility had moved beyond annoying several days ago. SG-1 was going off-world without him, bringing a fourth or not as they saw fit, and part of him wasn't sure if they'd want him back once Janet finally cleared him. Wasn't sure if he wanted to go back.

He nearly brought an entire shelf of books down on his head when Sam swung herself into his office, shouting, "Daniel! Quick! We need your help off-world."

She filled him in on the way to the gateroom. The planet SG-1 was visiting contained a long-abandoned naquadah mine and a people who hadn't seen Goa'uld interference in several generations. Whichever Goa'uld had been using the planet had set up a complex device to protect the workers from the substantial volcanic and seismic activity on the planet but conditions had changed since then and it needed tuning. The good news was that the instruction manual appeared, unusually, to be written on the walls of the facility. The bad news had been that Teal'c couldn't translate it and a river of lava was approaching a village, already cut off from evacuation.

Entering the underground lab, Daniel ignored Jack's wisecrack about having a one-armed linguist, heading straight for the nearest wall. When he realized what he was looking at, he couldn't bite back an amused grin.

"What is it?" Sam asked, poised over the control panel and waiting for his instructions.

"No wonder Teal'c couldn't read it. It's Russian."

"I've seen plenty of Russian, Daniel," Jack piped in. "That is not the Cyrillic alphabet."

"No, the writing is Goa'uld, but If you sound the words out, it's Russian," Daniel told him, already scanning the walls and translating under his breath. "I guess it was only a matter of time before we learned Baba Yaga was a Goa'uld."

Several hours later, after refusing gifts of food and other goods from the grateful people, and showing them the basics of how to operate the control mechanism as well as giving them an iris code in case they had more trouble, Daniel stepped back home with the rest of SG-1. General Hammond looked thrilled to see SG-1 actually smiling as they entered the gateroom.

That night, Sam insisted he join the rest of the team for drinks at the bar down the street from O'Malley's. Jack raised an eyebrow at Daniel's beer but stayed silent, which meant they didn't have to argue about alcohol interacting with pain meds, or the fact that Daniel was no longer bothering with the drugs. He still stayed sober enough to drive a tipsy Sam home.

Sam used a finger to draw equations in the steam on the window, blowing moist air from her mouth to fill them in again and scratch out something new. Halfway there, on a blank expanse of highway, she suddenly shouted for Daniel to pull over. He didn't think she'd drunk enough to get sick, but careened off to the side anyway.

Sam opened the passenger door, nearly fell out, then leaned back in to poke Daniel's arm. "C'mon," she said, pulling at his sleeve.

Pocketing his keys, Daniel got out himself, came around the car until Sam grabbed his un-casted hand and dragged him into the brush, away from the lights of the highway. When they cleared the crest of a hill, blocking the road from their sight, she dropped his hand and spun in a slow circle, finger wobbling as it pointed to the sky. "There!" she announced proudly.

Daniel squinted at the stars – something he rarely did anymore – and could see nothing special about that area of sky. "What?" he asked, stepping close behind her to look from her vantage point.

"That's the planet we were on today," she whispered in his ear. "Right now there are thousands of people alive there because of us."

Daniel looked up and raised a hand, blotting out the light with the tip of his thumb. "It's so small from here, such a tiny part of the universe."

"Yeah." Sam exhaled heavily and then plopped down, back to the cooling ground and face to the sky so the silvery moonlight washed the color from her skin. "It's small, but it's still important."

Daniel lay next to her, thinking of the Tollan and the Tok'ra, of Sha're, of Reece, of Sarah out gods-knew-where among the stars and all the people they'd found wiped out, all they'd lost. They'd taken out Sokar, Apophis, and Cronus. Amaunet and Klorel would never take a host again, but it felt like for every Goa'uld they eliminated, two more stepped in to fill the gap.

"It's so big," he said. He imagined he could feel the Earth beneath him floating through space, feel how small it was against the vastness of the universe – a vastness he'd gotten to touch more than almost anyone on Earth. "What makes us think we can change anything?"

Sam rolled over onto her side and grabbed his chin, turning his head so his face was inches from her own. "We made a difference today," she said in the sincerity of someone trying to be sober. "We've got to hold on to any victory we can get." She stared at him for a long minute and Daniel could feel her searching him, trying to burn out the doubt and frustration.

Satisfied, she rolled back, twisting to put her head on his stomach, body sticking out perpendicular to his. His hand reached down to play with the strands of hair lying over his ribs.

"To save one life is as if you have saved the world," Daniel offered to the stars and the billions of lives looking back at him. Sam quietly murmured her assent

 

**The sixth year he taught her how to be alone.**

 

The airmen didn't even notice anymore when Sam wandered the halls of SGC late at night. Between her natural work tendencies and the different times on the planets in the 'gate network, Sam had long since abandoned the pretense of a stable schedule. Still, when, like now, she was on Earth for a substantial time period, she did tend to revert back to more normal working times.

Or she used to.

After grabbing another mug of coffee from the commissary Sam resumed her walk, thinking more about how to solve the F-302's hyperdrive problems than about where her feet were taking her. It wasn't until she slowed down near the entrance of Daniel's old office that she realized where her late-night autopilot had navigated. Over the years, she'd often visited him to pull up a chair in the corner of his office and scribble out some theories while he looked over artifacts, or he'd work on a translation in her office while she disassembled a recent acquisition.

Before she could turn away Jonas popped his head out into the hallway and grinned at her. "Major Carter! Couldn't sleep?"

Sam shook her head. She wanted to give Jonas a chance, but every time she looked at him she couldn't stop the voice in her head that complained how unfair life was. Jonas tried so hard, was so eager to learn and Sam knew she could like him. But each time she looked at him Daniel's absence punched her in the gut.

"I was reading over Doctor Jackson's notes about the Goa'uld summit and…" Jonas held one of Daniel's leather journals in his hand. Sam bit back the irrational anger that flashed through her at the sight.

"Jonas," she said, forcing her voice to stay calm. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm on my way out."

"Oh, sure, Major Carter. Have a good night." She could hear the curiosity in his voice, sense how much he longed to leave the Mountain and explore the planet he'd stranded himself on. Someday maybe she'd take him, show him the wonders of Earth.

Deciding not to let her words be a lie, Sam left the half-full coffee mug in her office, changed into street clothes, and took the elevator to the surface. She rolled down all her windows before pulling onto the deserted highway, letting the cool air whip through her hair and sting her skin. Part of her wanted to reach out, to call to Daniel with every fiber of her being, if only to know that he was out there. She didn't know if a lack of answer would be worse.

Back home she dug through the back of her closet, looking for an old pair of sweatpants, and instead found an unfamiliar sweatshirt. Daniel had left it in her house, when his wrist was still healing and she'd been meaning to wash and return it.

The maroon fabric was nubby and threadbare in spots, and the emblazoned seal of the University of Chicago was beginning to flake off. She clutched it to her chest, breathing in a lingering scent of coffee, old paper and clay dust, mingled with the indefinably-Daniel soapy-skin smell.

Curling up on her bed, Sam half-heartedly pulled a blanket over her legs and fell asleep, clutching the shirt in her arms. She dreamed of running through the SGC, catching flashes of light glinting off a pair of glasses, the sound of a pen scratching on paper.

 

**The seventh year Sam taught him how to hold on, and how to let go.**

 

Daniel had spent the last two months discovering the person he used to be, shuddering at the emotions that ran hot and cold through him each morning as he sorted newly awakened memories. He had reconnected with those who lost him and mourned the destruction of Abydos, if not absolved himself of the guilt for its demise.

He had also long since confirmed Arrom's fear, found he could not be the person he once was, couldn't live up to who everyone here wanted him to be.

So much of the shift, of the new person he chose to create of himself, was internal that few around him noticed. He thought Jack should have been the first to suspect, but he'd been keeping his distance, never able to be around Daniel for too long without looking like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. Daniel suspected it had to do with a memory he'll never get back. He knew better than to ask.

Teal'c seemed to know, but Teal'c also understood what it meant to change yourself into the person you have to be.

Sam had been the most difficult. Each time she'd stepped close he'd felt the same spark that first clicked on Vis Uban, the spark that told him there was something there, some important connection. The spark that made him decide to go back with them.

The way she looked at him, time and again, made him feel exposed, naked again on a field under an overcast sky, until she turned away, thinking to hide the flash of uncertainty in her eyes. In the year he was gone her brain had remembered him into a person he never was and never will be and he ached for some way to mend whatever stood between them.

It took nearly two months to get his paperwork cleared and Jack didn't have to remind him that this hassle was old hat, that he did the same thing when he came back from presumed-dead seven years ago. Renting a house instead of an apartment was just another way to split from who he was before.

The weekend after he signed the lease, everyone helped him move in – new furniture mixing with remnants preserved from his previous life. Jack, Teal'c and Sam started in the morning and half of SGC had filtered through before the sun went down and Daniel had a mostly-moved-into place to call home with only Sam left, sitting on a kitchen stool and swinging her legs.

"This is one of the first things we did together, isn't it?" he asked her, sitting on his kitchen counter and reaching over for more water. "Only it was your house."

"Yeah," she said, picking at the label wrapped around her Diet Coke bottle. "Then you wanted somewhere to live temporarily – thought you'd find Sha're in a few months and take her back home to Abydos."

Daniel remembered that stubborn hope all too clearly. "She was the reason I joined SG-1. Without that need to find her, I never would have considered something like this." He couldn't imagine what he'd have done instead, but he knew it wouldn't involve fighting or a hopeless battle against an overwhelming enemy. Wouldn't involve dying more than once or friends who needed him to be someone he could never be again.

"And now?" Sam was talking without looking at his face and her voice shook slightly with the words.

"Now I don't belong anywhere else." It was the final realization, rationalization, that his life was no longer his own, which pushed him over the edge. He had read through all his mission reports and private diaries, and learned that Ascension was far from the first time he'd cheated death, Sha're far from the first family he lost. He'd had his chance at his own life, his own pursuits, his own path, his own selfish reasons. This bonus time was no longer his and he belonged to the SGC, to Sam and Jack and Teal'c.

"I missed you, Daniel." Sam was still quiet and he heard something beneath her words, something she wouldn't tell him, something that had torn her up inside.

"Sam," he waited until she looked up, held her gaze in his own. "I'm back. I can't promise to never go away again, but I promise not to go without a fight."

She looked at him and smiled a bit, loosening up. "I'm sorry, Daniel, I'm not being fair to you. C'mon, let's finish those boxes."

The oldest boxes were left: memories of his parents, his childhood, Sha're. When they were done sorting, if Sam noticed that more was carefully repacked and stored away than placed out to be seen, she didn't comment.

 

**The eighth year he taught her how to finally release some of her burden.**

 

Sam idly considered banging her head against the wall behind her. She'd had a roommate who did that – banged her head against a wall when she was stressed – not hard enough to hurt, just enough to feel. Right now, it sounded like a good idea.

"Teal'c will get us out," a voice said at her elbow.

"I know, Daniel."

"So we just have to hang tight."

"I know, Daniel."

"So we should probably…"

"Daniel!" She was starting to understand how Colonel O'Neill used to feel. "Just…stop talking."

He was silent. For all of five minutes. "Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Want to tell me what's wrong so I can stop poking my nose into a hornet's nest?"

Sam shifted, glaring at the walls of the pit they'd landed in when Daniel ignored her orders and insisted on pushing forward, deeper into the ruins. "General O'Neill only finally let us go through the 'gate without another team baby-sitting us, and you had to ignore my command and land us here. How can I get anyone else to respect my command if you won't?"

"What makes you think I don't respect your command?"

"You contradict me in front of people," Sam sighed. "You ignore my orders and land us places like this. You don't trust me to take care of myself."

"I don't…what? Is this about the commissary this morning?"

"Yes, Daniel, that's part of it."

"Those airmen were idiots. If Jack had heard them they would be thrown out. Are you saying I shouldn't stand up for you?"

Sam sighed. For as enlightened as Daniel was and as trained as he was to study other cultures, he never seemed to understand the military. "You think that's the first time a woman in the military has been accused of moving up in the ranks without earning it? You think it's the first time I've had someone talk like that about me? They're wrong, but you yelling at them isn't going to change anything. Either they'll learn, or they won't last long."

"So I'm just supposed to sit there? Let them insult you?" He was getting angry now.

"You can get up and leave. But a confrontation with you won't change their minds. You have to let me fight my own battles, Daniel, or it'll just make the rumors worse." His lack of understanding was palpable in the semi-darkness. She'd always admired his idealist streak, his inability to stay quiet when he sensed injustice. She'd never thought it could cause problems like this.

"Daniel, you have to understand something. The U.S. military still doesn't let women into frontline combat positions. It's only through a lot of dedication and a lucky fluke of wording that I have this job at all. And what happened with Fifth…" Sam paused for a moment to steady her breathing. She still dreamed sometimes of a farmhouse in Montana, of opening door after door to find a wall of metal bricks on the other side. "It's the military's worst nightmare. All their reasons not to let a woman into combat."

"That's stupid, Sam. You're better at it than I am. It shouldn't matter anymore." Sam shook her head. Daniel has always seemed to believe he could change the world to be how he wanted it, if he could only find the right words.

"No, it shouldn't. And it doesn't to people who've been around SGC, but the new guys don't know that yet. And sometimes, it does still matter." Sam shifted her weight, adjusting her P-90 to sit more comfortably in the tight space. She had spent so much time in male-dominated worlds, in the Air Force and astrophysics, that sometimes she could forget all of this, forget how people sometimes saw her and sometimes it was like a slap in the face.

"Look, I'm an easy target. I'm in charge of the science division and I came back from being captured by the enemy to a promotion and the chance to lead a team – and not just any team, but SGC's flagship team," Sam told him. "If I mess this up, people aren't going to point to me and say I couldn't do it, they're going to point to me and say women can't do this. And if it looks like I can't keep my civilian archaeologist in line, they're never going to accept me."

"I still don't know what to do, Sam. I'm not working with you any different than I did with Jack." Sam knew he was right, but that was part of the problem.

"This wasn't a problem for him. Nobody was going to question his qualifications to lead a team," she pointed out. "Look, just, if you have a problem, tell me in private, not in front of people. And at least try to follow my orders before you fall into a pit."

She could almost see his smile in the dark. "I can try that," he said, shifting over to nudge her shoulder. "And Sam, for what it's worth, I have every confidence in you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be giving you so much trouble."

Sam looked at his earnest expression and couldn't resist laughing. She should be angry, stuck in this dark hole, but she couldn't quiet the voice reminding her how lucky she was to have him, even with all the frustration.

**After Eight long years, they learned how to move on.**

Sam's office was mostly packed when Daniel knocked on her door. Jack was in Washington, Teal'c back on Dakara and he and Sam were the last remnants of something that had lasted far beyond its expiration date. As they each moved onto new paths, part of Daniel wanted to cling tighter to what they had, but he had learned long ago that nothing ever lasted, that people would always flit in and out of his life.

Sam looked up from wrapping tape around a box, one cheek smudged with dust and smiled at him. "Hey, how's your packing going?"

"Fine" He shrugged. "I can't take as much on the Daedalus. And I have more time than you." Sam would head to Area 51 tomorrow but Daniel had another week until the Daedalus left for Pegasus.

"In that case, pull up a box," Sam said, handing him a second roll of tape.

They worked quietly until there was nothing left to pack. Daniel reached to a shelf above Sam's head to pull down one final book that had hidden against the wall. He looked at it thoughtfully for a minute, the weight oddly familiar in his hands.

"I guess this is it," Sam said, turning a circle in her empty office. "It feels weird to be leaving."

"Yeah. You know, this is the longest I've ever stayed in the same place." Daniel jammed his hands in his pockets, seeing Sam's nod and thinking that might be true for her too. He could vaguely remember a time when his office felt cold and the tunnels of SGC felt like a tomb, rather than a frequent home. "Well, I guess this is good-bye."

"Don't tell me you're backing out on dinner."

"No-o, but this is good-bye to us here. What we had. Though, I guess you'll probably end up back here more than I will."

Sam nodded. "Doesn't mean you have an excuse to never visit."

"See you at seven?" Daniel asked, moving to the door, letting Sam say a final good-bye in private.

"Yep." Sam's knuckles were white where she clutched the edge of the table. The emptied room looked bigger, making her smaller and Daniel had a sudden flash of standing here eight years ago, alone and more scared than he wanted to admit, seeking out some connection to ground him in the new life he'd plunged into.

"Sam?" Daniel stopped at the door, looked at the floor a second, then turned back to his teammate. "I've been remembering more this time. When I was…after Kelowna. You said I had an effect on people – changed the way they see the world?"

Sam jerked a little and Daniel pretended not to notice the glisten in her eyes. "You still do," she whispered.

"You change people too."


End file.
